Friday, June 15, 2012

Erin Bowman Takes the Dare

Hi, guys! Today I'm tackling an entry from Kristen Lippert-Martin, who dared me to write my bio in the voice of a well-known literary figure. She gave me four different options, but this turned into such a fun exercise in voice, that I couldn't pick just one!

To begin, let's look at a snippet of my actual bio, as written by regular old me:
Erin is a twenty-seven year girl who likes to write. She grew up in rural Connecticut, where she spent most of her childhood telling stories. It is rumored that her first words were not "mama" or "dada," but "once upon a time." In middle school, when kids were going off to sleep-away camp for the summer, Erin was attending writing camp and penning short stories.

When not writing, Erin can often be found hiking, geeking out over good typography, and obsessing over all things Harry Potter. She drinks a lot of coffee, buys far too many books and is not terribly skilled at writing about herself in the third person.
Lovely. Now let's get to the good stuff. My bio, if I were any of the following...

Assuming you want to know, I guess I should probably tell you my name, and what I do, and how I got into this career and stuff, but truthfully, it's a long and boring story and I don't really have the energy to get into it right now. All I can say is I write. Have been since the day I could mumble "once upon a time." You probably find that lame. You think I'm lying. You think I'm the biggest phony alive. But who isn't a phony? Nobody, that's who.

So I write. And when I don't write, I obsess over pointless crap like good typography and Harry Potter and I drink a lot of coffee because it makes me feel somewhat alive, which is a blessing and a curse, and dammit, why am I still telling you all this? It's making me depressed as hell.

---

The act of writing a captivating story is nuanced as concocting the most complex of potions. I've appreciated stories from birth; their beauty and magic, the power of convincing dialog, the delicate entwining of plot threads, the hypnotic effect of pitch-perfect pacing. I've spent much time perfecting this craft, but maintaining focus can be trying on occasion. Especially with all the imbeciles in the world fawning over Harry Potter. How anyone could love that spoiled, arrogant, insufferable excuse of a wizard remains a mystery to me. Even after all this time.

---

The time has come to tell you a little bit about myself and the great honor it is to be writing novels for the masses. I pride myself on my utmost sense of style and impeccable manners--especially given my non-Capitol upbringing. Rural Connecticut can be full of heathens, eating food with their hands and exhibiting other vile behaviors. It's amazing I still have an appetite after my childhood there. But at least we had some delicacies. Like coffee and dessert. (Can you believe that some people are deprived of dessert?! The odds are not in their favor.)


---

No measure of time with words will be enough, so I'm planning on writing forever. I can't stay away from books...Don't want to. The smell of their pages. The warmth and comfort they provide. I should probably tell you something useful, something biographical, but I'm too busy sitting outside this window, brooding.


Photo Credits: Holden / Snape / Effie / Edward

So what do you think? Who's voice sounds the most authentic to you? 

A big thank you to Kristen for the fabulous dare. I truly had a blast writing these. (Kristen, if you email me via fridaythethirteeners [at] gmail [dot] com, I'll be sure to send an amazon gift card your way as a proper thank you!) 

Have a great weekend, everyone! And be sure to check back next week to meet our newest mystery author!

32 comments:

  1. I LOVE THE PEOPLE YOU CHOSE. Holden, especially. This is such an awesome exercise. Amazing dare, Kristen! :)

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    1. I found Holden the easiest to write. (Not sure what that says about me as a person...) ;)

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    2. Yep. Loved Holden the best. Brilliantly done, Erin.

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    3. Thanks, April. Me and Holden are besties, apparently ;)

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  2. AHHH, two thumbs up. I have to say, the Snape one is my favorite (Because when isn't Snape not anyone's favorite? Uh. Maybe this question is best unanswered.).

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  3. I love Effie and Edward the best I think. :) Too funny!

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    1. Effie with her desserts and Edward with those windows... ;)

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  4. So I kind of really adore every single one of these. EVERY SINGLE ONE. But my favorites would have to be Holden and Edward. Those two are very . . . interesting characters, to be sure.

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    1. Aw, thanks Lexie! Edward and Holden are definitely one of a kind, aren't they? :)

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  5. Haha, Erin, I laughed my way through each and every one of these!!! So so so good. I've gotta say that Edward and his sniffing of the pages was pretty awesome.

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    1. Edward just can't resit the smell of a book, goshdarnnit! ;)

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  6. I love these, Erin. my fave was Holden...but that probably just means I'm a phony. ;-)

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  7. I looooved the one for Holden! :D Amazing!

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    1. Thanks Julianna! I kinda adore Holden. Even with all his rambling and phoniness. :)

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  8. Very funny! So glad you accepted the dare.

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    1. Thank you! It was such a fun one to complete :)

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  9. You are awesome. This was such a fun dare.

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  10. OMG these were so freaking genius!!! My absolute faves were EFfie and Edward - although Edward's made me nearly pee my pants laughing! That was so good!!!

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    1. Oh, Edward. He's such a character, no?

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    1. Thank, Brandy!! It was a blast to complete.

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  12. Hahahaha!!!! I love all of them, so funny and very well-written! :D I especially laughed at the one of Effie and Edward...I think you could write an entire book like this! (I think there was a French one like this, exploring the language and different tone...) :D

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    1. Effie and Edward are both such interesting characters! It was so much fun writing them :)

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  13. This was absolutely brilliant. Loved them all, probably Snape's best of all.

    And I have to admit it: I imagined the characters saying the bios as I read them. (You know, the same way you have to read "You're a wizard, Harry," in Hagrid's voice. (To keep with the HP theme going on.))

    ~Riv Re
    Riv Reads

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    1. If you heard the character's voices while reading, my work here is done! ;) (Oh, and I can't read "Yer a wizard, Harry!" and NOT hear Hagrid's voice :) )

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